By Danielle Strenke

Earnest (not his real name) is not proud of the way he acted during a three-year drug addiction that included smoking marijuana and experimenting with methamphetamines, opium and alcohol.

He remembers the days on end of being high and asking his brother to cover for him at home. He regrets stealing items out of his parentsí home to sell so he could buy drugs.

Earnest will soon celebrate his first year of sobriety. After spending so much of his middle school years on drugs, the challenges of staying straight are a constant, especially when it comes to school.

But heís working hard to succeed in the classroom, and has also come a long way in repairing the wounds that he helped create within his own family.

Earnest started smoking pot as a seventh grader. The first time he was caught with marijuana, the school told his parents. Earnest simply denied the pot was his and assured them that it was an isolated incident.

His parents wanted to believe their son, so they trusted Earnest even when he was spending virtually every spare minute with one of his friends. What they didnít know was that the friend was supplying Earnest with the pot that was quickly becoming a part of daily life for him.
When his dad found Earnest and his buddy getting high one day, Earnestís dad called the Chisago County Sheriffís Department. ìHe was mad,î Earnest said. ìHe wanted them to put me in jail for a couple days, but I was too young so thereís nothing they could do.î

His parents did the only thing they thought would help ñ they made sure Earnest completed rounds of drug awareness classes and prohibited him from seeing those friends.

Earnest said the drug use didnít stop when his parents learned about it, he just learned how to be more careful.

While his parents werenít aware of how Earnestís drug use, there was one person in the house who was helping to keep it a secret ñ his brother.

From the beginning of his drug use, Earnest didnít try to hide it from his brother. In turn, Earnestís brother started carrying the burden of knowing his brother was spiraling into a dangerous life while not knowing how to stop it.

The once happy home was turning into ìa nightmare,î Earnestís mom said. At the time that Earnest started smoking marijuana 5 to 6 times a day, his behavior became erratic, she said.

ìHe was very defiant and angry all the time,î she said. ìIt came to a point where we couldnít leave him alone with his siblings because we didn'tí know what heíd do.î

She said Earnest was constantly threatening his brother, dad and herself. ìWe were afraid to go out. Heíd get angry and then come back and apologize.î

Almost a year since Earnest stopped using drugs, his parents are still finding out about some of his dangerous behaviors ñ and what his brother had to go through to help cover it up.

ìIt was my way of being close to my brother,î Earnestís brother said. ìIt was the only way heíd let me in and I also felt important too.î
Earnestís brother knew he was still hanging around with the friends that his parents stopped him from seeing. ìHeíd tell me heíd kill me if I told mom and dad,î he said.

He said it came to a point where he would try to be away from the house when Earnest was home so he wouldnít have to deal with Earnestís anger. ìIíd stay upstairs or walk around with headphones,î he said.

When Earnest started using methamphetamines, his brother knew why he was able to stay awake watching television for days at a time but didnít tell his parents.

Eventually, Earnest started using his brother as his personal assistant, calling home for phone numbers of ìassociatesî who he may be able to sell drugs to.

The younger brother also became the protector of sorts as well. ìPeople would come and ask for him [Earnest] and Iíd introduce them,î he said. ìI wanted to do it for him so he wouldnít get his butt kicked.î

While Earnestís brother was worried about Earnest ending up in jail or beaten up, he also realized that he was becoming known as well. At school, he felt safer because he was known as Earnestís brother.

The final straw almost came the day when Earnest collapsed after inhaling chemicals from an air conditioner. ìWhen he almost died I wanted to tell mom and dad but I didnít because he threatened me,î Earnestís brother said.

All of the relationships that were once strong were now extremely strained for the entire family.

ìIt wasnít a family at all,î Earnestís mom said. ìIt was anger, resentment and worry. Since then, weíve all had to regroup and figure out how we can be together and just talk.î

Earnest is thankful that he never asked his brother to try drugs. ìIf he had wanted to and did I wouldíve hated myself,î Earnest said.

As Earnest describes his battles with addiction, his parents still have a hard time believing it was happening to their son.

ìI canít believe I missed the signs,î his dad said.

ìI didnít see it either and Iíve seen other kids with drug addictions,î his mom said.

His mom has a difficult time holding back tears as she listens to Earnestís brother talk about being so close to the dangerous atmosphere that Earnest created.

Earnest said while he was doing drugs, he never talked to his dad.

ìWe couldnít be in the same room,î Earnest said. ìI was afraid to let anyone into my world so Iíd tell him only little things.î Earnest knows it has been difficult to mend the relationship with his dad because the two are so much alike.

Earnestís dad has a difficult time discussing Earnestís drug use, but Earnest knows itís his way of coping and healing.

The entire family is talking more now, Earnestís mom said, and their trust of Earnest is growing stronger.

His parents have allowed Earnest to stay at a friendís home while they were out of town, trusting that he will make the right decisions and stay sober.

Earnest admits to his mom when heís having a bad day. ìIíve told her Iíd do anything for a joint,î he said. Earnest asked his mom to drive him for a weekly voluntary urinalysis to show how important it is for him to regain his parentís trust.

Earnest has also built a strong foundation of sober friends who call and check in with Earnestís mom when they know Earnest is having a bad day.

Earnest said his family relationships are getting stronger every day and being able to talk about his emotions with his mom, dad and brother is one of the key reasons why he has made it through the last year. ìTalking to my family, sponsor, friends and Ellen [Hoiland] has helped because theyíre all sober and I can talk to them.î

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