Don’t Stop The Presses: C’mon back, writing utensils

By Derrick Knutson

Where have all the writing utensils gone?

I’m a journalist, so you’d think I’d have a pen, pencil or maybe even a sharp stick and some ink lying around to take notes with, but nearly all of those note-taking aids have disappeared since I started this job.

I blame the leprechauns.

That’s the most logical explanation I can come up with, anyway.

I just don’t understand I how lose so many pens and pencils.

For a while, I knew exactly where they went – the washing machine and then the dryer.

This was highly evident because of the conspicuous marks the pens would leave on the pockets of my pants after they heated up in the dryer and subsequently exploded.

It was like the pens were saying, “Tee he! You forgot to take me out of your pockets, so I’m going to ruin your $30 pair of pants!”

I eventually broke out of the habit of leaving them in my pockets, but I’d like to know where I’m leaving them now.

I find a few in my car from time to time, but nowhere near the amount I believe I’ve lost.

It’s like they’ve just disappeared into some mysterious writing utensil vortex and are now gallivanting around in an alternate universe.

I guess I’m writing this column as a plea to the lost pens and pencils to come back to the cup where they rightly belong on the left-hand side of my desk.

So c’mon back. There’s a place here for you, and there’s a person who would gladly implement you guys for your intended uses.

But if a bunch of you writing devises are planning something conniving, like all hopping in my dryer at the same time to ruin an entire load of clothing, don’t even think about it. Our relationship would end after such a prank, and I’d then only use my voice recorder for taking notes and conducting interviews.

The voice recorder doesn’t handle the washing machine as well as a pen or pencil, but it doesn’t blow up in the pockets of my pants and leave ink stains everywhere if it goes through the dryer.

But I still like pens and pencils for most note taking, so come back from the vortex, guys, please come back.

— Derrick Knutson is associate editor of the ECM Post Review

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