You’re not in your living room

Derrick Knutson

For those of you who cannot control yourselves in movie theaters and must comment about the most inane aspects of cinema, please take the headline of this column into consideration.

My wife and I recently went to see Skyfall, the twenty-third installment of the James Bond franchise, at our local movie theater.

I thought the movie was very entertaining; it was action-packed and had a decent plotline.

Being a Bond movie, it had aspects that were a little far-fetched.

However, I knew this going into the movie and didn’t feel the need to comment about every scene that was less than realistic.

But the couple sitting behind us did.

The first few snarky comments came during the previews.

A trailer for an allegedly romantic movie finished and the man loudly exclaimed, “I think I’ll skip that one!”

A few people around him let out a chuckle in response to his outburst and let it slide.

It was, after all, the previews and people routinely talk through trailers.

The man made the same comment about the following trailer and his wife agreed with him.

No chuckles from the crowd this time.

When the man starting chatting with his wife during the movie, I turned around and glared at him, expecting to see some 17-year-old kid with his newest fling.

But he was really about 60 years old, as was his wife.

I guess rudeness isn’t affected by age.

The man and his wife continued to talk throughout the movie.

My favorite comment from the pair of film critics came from the man.

During a latter portion of the movie, Bond is handed a double-barreled shotgun that another character describes as “his (Bond’s) father’s old hunting rifle.”

The man, in a none-too-soft tone, blurted out, “That’s not a rifle, it’s a shotgun.”

He then let out a short laugh, undoubtedly feeling much smarter than the people who had made the movie – you know, the same ones who now have the money he paid to see it.

Instances like this make me almost frustrated that I’m too polite of a person most of the time.

I thought about turning around and telling this man and his wife to keep their yaps shut during the movie because their comments were just plain irritating.

But I kept thinking to myself, “What if he starts arguing with me and then everyone’s cinema experience is ruined?”

The way he kept making snide remarks about the film, I’m sure he would have a host of them for me.

But I’ve now made a decision about people like the Siskel and Ebert wannabes: I’ll confront them.

There was the possibility this couple did not realize they were not in their living room watching a film.

If that was the case, I should have pointed out they had recently left their home and wandered into a movie to bring them back to reality.

There’s also the possibility they were innately impolite people.

If that was the problem, I should have called these people out in hope they’d be embarrassed and subsequently change their ways.

I doubt my two cents would have made them come to a collective revelation about how rude they were being, but you never know.

They might have thanked me for my input, said they were now reformed and planned to be better, less disrespectful human beings from that point forward.

Or they might have sworn at me and told me to mind my own business.

If I had to wager, I’d put money on my second assumption.

But maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad.

The crowd at the theater might have risen up following another disrespectful outburst by the couple and tossed them out into the hallway.

We then would have been able to watch the movie in peace, while they were sitting out in the hallway, likely shaken by what had transpired, but not stirred.

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