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By Aaron Vehling, reporter
The headlines read that Al Franken garnered 225 more votes than former Sen. Norm Coleman in the official recount of the United States Senate race, but commentators and reporters alike emphasized that it did not necessarily mean that Franken won.
Franken took the opportunity to declare victory and Coleman responded with a lawsuit.
It does not matter who gets the seat in the end. Either winner will be tainted by this drawn-out, disgusting battle.
If Franken is the victor, then his legitimacy will be sullied by the specter of some Knights Templaresque DFL conspiracy to seat the comedian. If Coleman wins his lawsuit, then scores of Minnesotans will declare him a thief along the lines of President George W. Bush circa 2000. There is no way either of the two can be a credible, effective legislator.
Here are some ways we can fix this mess:
• A rematch between the two. This will give Franken and Coleman another chance to go at it without having to worry about former Sen. Dean Barkley “stealing” a fifth of the votes. If Franken or Coleman still can’t get more than a razor-thin margin over the other, then they are both out of the race for good and we can just appoint regular Minnesotans to serve a series of consecutive two-week terms. It would be a fun vacation.
• Choose new candidates (DFL, IP and GOP) and hold a special election. Franken and Coleman have proven they cannot get elected in a normal way, so they are out. Give the new candidates only two weeks to campaign. It is imperative, though, that the new candidates not run the smarmy, excremental type of television ads that Franken and Coleman did last year. That was just plain un-Minnesotan.
• Give the seat to Barkley. As an Independence Party candidate, he is remarkably centrist and espouses many of the same views as his two opponents, but without the lead-heavy baggage. His healthcare proposal, qualify everyone for Medicare and have that program compete with the private sector to bring down healthcare costs, is a darn good one. His realism about the state of Social Security is also a breath of fresh air. The bonus? He has already been a Senator (he was appointed to serve the remainder of late Sen. Paul Wellstone’s term).
• Hold a lottery. Allow Minnesotans to apply for the position and have someone from a remote island nation randomly choose a name out of a hat. This would be decisive and unimpeachable. The conspiracy theorists would have to focus their attentions elsewhere. The added bonus would be that, statistically, neither Franken nor Coleman would be Senator.
These are just a few ideas for solving this never ending battle to fill Minnesota’s other Senate seat. Let me know if you have more ideas. Be civil, though. Life is too short for hate. It is also too short for such a long Senate race.
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